Tuesday, April 26

A Cynic's Guide to Romance Writing

10 Steps to Writing a Best Selling Romance

1. The protagonist moves to a new town where she is the most exciting thing to anyone with testosterone since canned beer. Preferably a place that's small and obscure so that such a thing is semi plausible.

2. The protagonist's love interest is the most attractive and unobtainable man in the area. He must physically smoulder. Every woman wants him, but he is disinterested, despite the fact that he is bursting at the seams with raw, masculine heterosexuality.

3. The love interest does not fawn over the protagonist, but instead banters with, and even insults her. The protagonist will be irritated be the love interest, but at no point may she be unconscious of his sexual appeal.

4. The protagonist does not sit back and take these criticisms. Conflict ensures. Later, the love interest will admit that it was her vivacity that ensnared him.

5. The love interest saves the protagonist's life. He then acts cold and distant toward her. This only makes the protagonist all the more drawn to him.

6. The love interest professes his feelings to the protagonist by kissing her with fierce passion...because he is incapable of expressing himself with words.

7. The protagonist may be outspoken, witty, and boisterous, but at her core must still need to be dominated by a man.

8. Everyone must like the protagonist. If someone doesn't like her it is a big deal. They are a horrible person or the antagonist.

9. Once the protagonist and love interest get together and have sex, all conflict between them ceases. Emphasise what great chemistry they have, so that the reader doesn't fall asleep from lack of actual sexual tension.

10. All further hope of conflict must come from family, ex-lovers, the community, convenient protagonist haters, or a series of misunderstandings between the protagonist and the love interest.

Best of luck on your romance writing ventures.


A Cynic


Emma Michaels said...

LOL! Love it.

Anneliese said...

Read that and I could only think of one thing that has that exact plot lol. But it is an easy thing to use though, isn't it? So silly.

Keri said...

Anneliese: When I wrote this, I had just read one that had all ten things incorporated. I doubt most people have even heard of it. I have read a lot of novels where the romance flooded the plot and went like this. It's not very encouraging.

Myah said...

I do enjoy cracking up over novels like this. So idealistic, aren't they.